Huge phone bills? Cruise parks in pouring rain? When is wanting lots of men a problem?
OutUK's Adrian Gillan meets cheery shagger Tom and recovering addict Pete in
our cock-around-the-clock diary.
The Happy Slapper
"I get through about ten a week," says 28 year old Tom from South London, "mainly
off the web or in parks. I don't muck around. It's: 'Hello, you look fit - want
a shag?' Life's too short."
Tom estimates he has had sexual encounters with between four and five thousand
men in the decade or more he's been active. No, he doesn't think he has a problem.
And yes, he has held down several boyfriends for longer periods than most, always
open with them about his behaviour.
"I like sex with lots of new guys," says Tom. "That's all there is to it really.
I get a kick out of fresh dick and having guys I've never met before get all hot
and horny. All that crap about great sex only within committed relationships is
just a myth - a new spin on the same old tripe touted by marriage-mongers for
centuries. I don't aspire to be straight and monogamous and rear a cat and three
"Sure I've had lengthy, meaningful relationships," he continues. "Most of my 'ex's
were the greatest of friends but we never fooled ourselves that sex started and
ended in our own bedroom. And - unlike many gay couples who might judge - we were
always up front about how things stood. We'd always play safe away from home and
the odd joint-trip to the clinic for some rash was, and is, a small price to pay
for the many, magical experiences had by all along the way."
"But with or without a boyfriend," stresses Tom, "I'd still chase after cock. I've
met so many lovely guys. I might not be able to recall everyone's name, but I can
definitely picture all the faces, all those dicks! First encounters are very intimate
and intense. All my men have left a part of themselves with me and you can't take
that away: like licking off the cream, every day a Christmas Day. So why miss out?"
The Sad Addict
"Some days I'd just hung around the station's gents looking available," reminisces
35 year old self-confessed sex addict Pete from Sussex of his teenage years. "Eye
contact - and the rest was easy. Very occasionally I'd charge but mostly it was
free. Often three of four times a day, with lots of regulars."
7am Wake up horny with knocking at the door. Almost forgotten.
Pre-arranged morning meet off internet last night. Young exec on his way in to work.
Cute. Back to bed for kip.
10am Hit chat line. Not many on but all quite keen. Cute college boy round within
1pm Bump into local bi guy from gym near cheese counter in supermarket. His girl away.
Stop off at his on way back.
4pm After lunch, head into town. Freezing. Warm up in sauna under railway arch.
Predictably quiet, but am youngest, so small crowd gathers.
6pm Just dark enough to cruise central park squares - despite no leaves. Two horny
guys fresh from work somehow lick life back into me.
9pm Have snack. Find self in heavy bar, quite busy and dark at rear…
12am Mid-week club-night. Many students. Chat to one drunk soul. Do him in cubicle.
3am Eye up guy on night bus back. Follows me off at the stop. Just wants
blow job. Just as well.
Pete grew up alone with his mother who was often out at work. Not interested in
school and finding it hard to make close friends, he retreated into his own private
sexual world for excitement and validation. Masturbating six or seven times a day
and obsessed by porn, he fast formed the habit of a lifetime.
"I didn't even much care about who the bloke was or if I fancied him," he continued.
"I just got off on being fancied by so many different guys, having this kind of
power over them, watching their faces as they got off on me. A bit of me also
loved the fact it was just plain naughty, a bit of a risk."
"It was only my schooling suffered at first," Pete goes on. "But when I left home
and moved to Brighton, I had trouble holding down jobs - I couldn't focus on anything.
I ended up living on benefits in a dingy bed-sit on the outskirts, spending whole
days looking for men to bring back or have wherever I found them."
"I got very lonely and depressed," he says. "A whole decade passed and I had little
to show for it apart from thousands of notches on some imagined bedpost. I realised
I was trapped and that the more sex I was having, the more miserable I became.
I admitted to myself I had a problem. I started seeing a counsellor and we talked
about my past, my insecurities and difficulties forming relationships."
Says Pete: "I did actually meet someone who I really liked, and was honest about
my past and that relationships and intimacy were all new to me. Even though we
split up recently after almost two years, I feel much better about myself and
aware of an alternative. It's not easy to crack this habit though - many days are
still a struggle and I still go out looking for men."
Being a slapper is just one symptom you might be a sexaholic, along with compulsive
masturbation, excessive use of pornography and physical dependency on an individual.
Test yourself for sex addiction at
www.sauk.org. If you feel your sexual activity has become addictive, you can contact
Sex Addicts Anonymous on 0208 946 2436 or by email.