| It's raining men as OutUK's Adrian Gillan dips his toes into watersports at the Streams Of Pleasure Club. Or is it all just a wet dream? |
|
Surfacing at London's King's Cross en route to Central Station's twice-weekly basement
watersports p-party, my nose begins to sniff in the air involuntarily on nearing, but
thoughts are calmed as a gorgeous young man in a bright red top follows me down
the steps into unknown depths.
It's already quite busy and I'm not really dressed to make a splash. Most have left their civvies at the door and squeezed into rubber shorts, industrial clobber, speedos or footie kit. |
|
|
I quickly down a few pints so I've got something to offer - vodka shots
won't set your pleasures spurting - and watch the pump empty its yellow load into
my jar like some strange recycled golden nectar to wet the appetite.
A child's paddling pool takes centre stage and sets the mind a swimming. As in some surreal fringe theatre, two regulars in heavy manual gear appear from the surrounding darkness and step into the dim-lit pool. The plumper of the two lies flat on his back and his full friend fumbles open a zip and spouts a warm bladderful over his pal's check shirt with a muffled fizzing splosh like hot water hitting a tea bag. I pinch myself. The tall man shakes out one final drop and then helps his paunchy mate up who slips over again into the pool of piss with a dull wet thud. The toilet humour of this splashy slap-stick circus makes me laugh aloud. Second stab and he's up and pissing in his tall friend's boot, now off. Tall friend pulls said boot back on for a few sloshy steps, removes it again and slurps out his fat pall's piss. As the fat man readopts his horizontal obeisance for the duration, I resolve to piss on someone here and now, before my time is out. I start to feel the urge but opt for the toilet instead which I half expect to be empty - all things considered - but which has in fact become a jolly little inner-sanctum side show. Everyone's pissing on everyone, no room left for even the most discreet leakhits. I return tensely to my pint and touch it gingerly to my lips, tasting for any external influences in my absence. Shit! Some people I know: fancy meeting you! Fuck: ground open. Then an older man who's been letching me throughout comes up and somewhat strangely asks if my name is Alan. I tell him it is not and he goes on and on about how he likes fair hair when blatantly all he wants to do is slash all over me. I tell him I'm a famous writer and he scuttles off back into the shadows whence he came. | |
|
I'm sustained throughout this aquatic subterranean venture by the sheer jaw-dropping
spectacle, by my determination to piss over someone and by my cutie in red who
flits in and out. Someone's toying with my boy in the darkness and I jealously get embroiled and make it clear I won't share him with anyone, nor myself with the others in this cessy pit. So we disengage, zip up and regroup to discuss - me fit to bust. |
|
|
Red-topped and red-faced Steve swears he'd been - like me - in two minds and only
entered the joint after he saw me descending. I tell him he'd been my only thought
all session, as romance buds in this most unlikely of places. He relates how he's
always wanted to piss in someone's mouth and I protest I'm not quite ready but need
more time and - anyway - have no change of clothes if things get messy.
So we make a pact to go into the darkness and piss over someone together instead. Steve assures me that pee is one of the most sterile substances known to man and it only reeks if left to stand. He claims the worst thing that can happen is a "nappy rash" through prolonged contact of wet material on skin, or if piss enters the body through cuts. Its nourishing qualities are allegedly well known to beauticians; supermodels are even rumoured to drink a chilled half-pint of their own perfection twice daily! And drinking others' fresh piss isn't reputed to pose significant extra risks for the transmission of HIV, Hepatitis or other STDs over and above other physical contacts - though you might get a second kick of someone's unwanted, unknown drug dose thereby. | |