SPEAKING OF HAVING IT ALL WAYS

At its most basic, that translates into a three-way situation that involves, for queer men, both another guy and a girl. But in the wonderful world of group sex, the combinations can get more involved and exciting. Whether it's an organized sex party or an impromptu clusterfuck, co-ed sex parties allow even the most minimally bi guys to explore a wide range of possibilities, and satisfy their curiosity.

Still, many men who mostly make it with men can get shy around girls. A woman who puts on "pansexual" parties says, "I've discovered that queer men seem more reluctant to go to co-ed parties than straights are. That's no doubt in part because they're often in a distinct minority there, and many straight or somewhat bi guys will just prefer to be with women."

And maybe it's also because some gay guys have performance issues. But naked women really aren't that scary - really they're not. Relax; a pussy is no reason to lose your hard-on. And if you're bi, rather than strictly gay, you can be in hog heaven, playing in a puppy pile with both pussies and pricks. (That goes for mostly het guys, too, who get to explore their queerer desires in a safe, accepting environment.)

If you're planning to go to a mixed party, or to get together with a mixed-sex group of friends and fuck around, remember that the usual party rules apply, only more so. Women, whether straight or queer, too often get insistently hit on by overly aggressive men. (So much so that many co-ed parties won't admit unaccompanied straight guys.) So while, of course, you're not the sort of guy who'd violate anyone's personal space by showering them with unwelcome attention, it would behoove you to be extra-respectful around the female of the species. Not that the favour is always returned. "This bi woman I know," says Adventurous Dude, "really gets off on scoring with gay-identified guys. She can be really seductive at parties. Hell, she even went down on me in public. Sucked like a Hoover."

On the other hand, women generally don't go to sex parties merely to satisfy queer men's curiosity. If you're heading into somewhat uncharted territory, do it open-mindedly, willing to learn. If you've never played with a clit, you might ask for a bit of guidance. Always play safe. And if you're the least bit reluctant to do anything, remember that you don't have to. You don't have to touch titties unless you want to. (And if you do want to, that doesn't mean you'll lose your Gay Card.) Let what you do with women - and men, too - stem from your genuine desire, not from what you "should" do, or what you want other people to think of you, and you're more likely to have a great time.

And when it comes to group sex, having a great time - whether with men, women, or any person you are attracted to - is what it's all about. Right?

Read more about bisexuality here.

Simon Sheppard

San Francisco artist and activist Simon Sheppard is best known for his contributions to the erotic literary scene. He wrote hundreds of stories that appeared in S/M magazines; erotic anthologies; and over twenty editions of Best Gay Erotica and Best American Erotica. His Sextalk column has appeared on OutUK for more than 20 years. You can find out more about Simon Sheppard in this OutUK feature and tribute, or take a look at some of his many books that are still available:

       

Looking for something very sexy and just as smart? Man on Man collects the best and hottest gay sex writing by Simon, who is also co-editor of Rough Stuff: Tales of Gay Men, Sex, and Power as well as a collection of gay erotica called Hotter Than Hell.

In KINKORAMA : Dispatches from the Front Lines of Perversion he takes readers behind the unmarked doors and black vinyl curtains that lead to the sometimes shocking, often hilarious, relentlessly arousing scenarios of extreme sex. There are also stories of bears in Tales from the Bear Cult: Beat Bear Stories from the Best Magazines.