SPEAKING OF BISEXUALITY

Since sexuality is fluid, the exact balance of orientation might well vary over time. ("Back in university, I used to enjoy having sex with girls, too. Now it's guys only, and though I can see that a certain woman's attractive, she doesn't make my dick hard," for example.) Most of us have been turned on by both sexes somewhere along the line, and some of us have fucked around with women as well as men.

But does that make us "bisexual?"

Well, yes and no. These days, when out-of-the-closet bi folks are increasingly vocal and visible, there's still some confusion and ill will. Part of it is a matter of labels. An otherwise straight-as-an-arrow het can have a homosexual experience, maybe one of those "Boy, was I drunk last night" blowjobs. Does that make his sexual history a "bisexual" one? Yeah. Does that make him a "bisexual?" He'd probably say no. "Straight," "bi," and "gay" are not only descriptive terms, they're also self-proclaimed badges of identity. As one gay-identified fellow says, "I was at this mixed sex party, already hard from messing around with this cute boy, when a woman started flirting with me, and I flirted back. And then she went down on me. I got off on it - she sure knew how to give head. But does that make me bisexual? Not on your life."

In this either/or society, many folks want things to be simple. Self-identified bisexuals complicate matters, in part because few people remain in the dead centre of the orientation spectrum throughout their lives. "Yes, I'm bisexual," says one bi-guy activist, "though in the last 10 years, all the lasting relationships I've had have been with men."

This can irritate the hell out of some dyed-in-the-wool homos. Says one, "Listen, if a man is interested almost entirely into other men but has sex with a woman or two, does that make him truly bisexual? Likewise, I don't want to be some rite-of-passage experiment for a straight boy just so he can qualify as a trendy bisexual."

Some of this hostility can be traced to high-visibility "bisexuals." Some have taken on the bi label because it's less threatening to their careers. Others (think Anne Heche or Sinead O'Connor) make a big deal of being gay or lesbian, only to end up in relationships with the opposite sex. And then there's the "just a phase" thing. "My first boyfriend dumped me for a woman who he ended up marrying, and they're still together. Whether he cruises the parks for guys, though, I have no idea." No wonder some gays think of bisexuals as "confused." And no wonder many self-proclaimed bisexuals are hurt and baffled by the hostility they've gotten from some gays. "We're all fighting against oppression by straight society, so why do some queens give me such attitude when I say I like women, too?" says that activist guy.

But Mr. Dyed-in-the-Wool retorts, "I just get so tired of hearing bisexuals tell me they're more evolved than I am because they don't 'limit' themselves to a single sex. Screw that."

So does where you put your dick determine who you are? In a perfect world, perhaps labels of identity wouldn't matter. But as long as sexual identity is a pretext for discrimination and attack, what we name ourselves does matter. Bisexual? If you say you are, who can disprove it? And, if nothing else, as they say, it does double the dating pool.

Simon Sheppard

San Francisco artist and activist Simon Sheppard is best known for his contributions to the erotic literary scene. He wrote hundreds of stories that appeared in S/M magazines; erotic anthologies; and over twenty editions of Best Gay Erotica and Best American Erotica. His Sextalk column has appeared on OutUK for more than 20 years. You can find out more about Simon Sheppard in this OutUK feature and tribute, or take a look at some of his many books that are still available:

       

Looking for something very sexy and just as smart? Man on Man collects the best and hottest gay sex writing by Simon, who is also co-editor of Rough Stuff: Tales of Gay Men, Sex, and Power as well as a collection of gay erotica called Hotter Than Hell.

In KINKORAMA : Dispatches from the Front Lines of Perversion he takes readers behind the unmarked doors and black vinyl curtains that lead to the sometimes shocking, often hilarious, relentlessly arousing scenarios of extreme sex. There are also stories of bears in Tales from the Bear Cult: Beat Bear Stories from the Best Magazines.