OutUK - Sex Talk : Speaking Of Exhibitionism

SPEAKING OF EXHIBITIONISM

"One of the hottest times I've ever had," said a friend of mine, "happened late one night when I made online contact with a guy who lives locally. We arranged for me to go over to his house, walk up on the porch, and look into his front window. He'd be there, he said, naked and jerking off.

I went over to his house, and there he was. It was so hot and horny I nearly came in my pants. It was very late, and neither of us could be seen from the street, so although I guess I shouldn't have, but I just stood there, lowered my shorts and wanked too.

I remember so clearly. We both came at the same time. Then I wiped up and went home. I felt like he'd given me this big and very personal gift.

Though we never met, I chatted with him later online, and he told me that, rather than feeling vulnerable, generous or even foolish, he felt that my enjoyment of him had given him a lot of power. Since then, I've started fooling around with exhibitionism myself. It's great."

"...wear as little as you're legally able next
time you lie in the sun..."

Sure enough, showing off can be hot, very hot. While most of us might find the stranger-on-the-front-porch scenario intimidatingly risky, there are lots of other ways to flaunt it. From wearing tight bicycle shorts that show off your basket to installing a 24-hour Web cam, you can show the world what you've got. One guy over in Holland I know likes to put on what he calls "my little sex shows," arranging to fuck another man while an invited audience - sometimes one guy, sometimes more - watches and wanks.

Most of us (even the "hottest" guys) have hang-ups about our bodies, our faces, and our sexual attractiveness. We can let these conflicts get the better of us. Or we can act like the sexy animals that we know, deep down, we really are. Despite the uniformity of images fed us by some of the gay media, not everyone is into buff, hairless, model types. Somebody's going to find you attractive, no matter what you look like. Why not give him a chance to sit back and enjoy himself?

You need not rush into show-off business all at once. You can rehearse solo at home. Try stripping for the mirror, jerking off for the video camera. Wear as little as you're legally able next time you lie in the sun at the park. Or strip your shirt off while you're dancing. Find something to wear that makes you feel sexy, whether leather chaps or a see-through tank top, and wear it. Wear it outside. Coax yourself past sexual shame; the first steps are always the hardest.

Or try showing off for your sex partner. A long, sultry striptease, playing with yourself while he watches, or strutting around in wet jockey shorts should do the trick. Acting sexy will make you feel sexy, and feeling sexy will make you seem sexy, causing hard-ons for all concerned. If you're in an ongoing relationship, inviting a third man over to watch the two of you perform your "little sex shows" can add spice and kink to a partnership without the awkward moments that more conventional three-ways can cause. And, heaven knows, exhibitionism qualifies as safe sex, just as long as you're not foolish enough to do something that draws the attention of the law.

Remember, even the less conventionally attractive among us are entitled to act like sex objects. Because, to somebody, we are. We all are. And we damn well might as well flaunt it.

Simon Sheppard

San Francisco artist and activist Simon Sheppard is best known for his contributions to the erotic literary scene. He wrote hundreds of stories that appeared in S/M magazines; erotic anthologies; and over twenty editions of Best Gay Erotica and Best American Erotica. His Sextalk column has appeared on OutUK for more than 20 years. You can find out more about Simon Sheppard in this OutUK feature and tribute, or take a look at some of his many books that are still available:

Looking for something very sexy and just as smart? Man on Man collects the best and hottest gay sex writing by Simon, who is also co-editor of Rough Stuff: Tales of Gay Men, Sex, and Power as well as a collection of gay erotica called Hotter Than Hell.
In KINKORAMA : Dispatches from the Front Lines of Perversion he takes readers behind the unmarked doors and black vinyl curtains that lead to the sometimes shocking, often hilarious, relentlessly arousing scenarios of extreme sex. There are also stories of bears in Tales from the Bear Cult: Beat Bear Stories from the Best Magazines.