SPEAKING OF KISSING"It amazes me how many guys will happily rim another man, but not stick their tongue in his mouth," says a fellow I know. "It's so weird. I just don't trust a lad who won't kiss." | |
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While that may seem a bit extreme, he does have a point. Kissing
may not always be thought of as "sex," but within the context of a really hot shag,
it can be the ultra-great icing on the sexcake.
For many of us, kissing has that extra something missing from even the most acrobatic of sex acts. It signifies more than simple lust, suggesting that men can not only screw each other, but love each other, too. Is it any wonder that straight audiences often react at least as squeamishly to a chaste same-sex onscreen kiss as to a scene of two naked men in bed? Kissing removes fucking from the realm of mere physical contact and presents an emotionality that puts gay men on a par with "traditional straight couples" - and it shows that our sexuality is more than a matter of bodily collisions. | 
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And it's not just straights who are uncomfortable with queer kisses. Gay porn videos
and erotic stories rarely feature spit swapping. Guys are supposed to be sex
machines; kissing betrays vulnerability. That's why Mr. Rough Trade says:
"You can suck my cock, but I don't kiss."
But that vulnerability can add incredible heat to scene, or seal a just-concluded romp with a bit of tenderness. As one SM player says, "I bet a lot of non-leathermen would be surprised at how often hardcore dungeon scenes include kissing. It's a way of saying, 'I may be whipping you, but it's because I care about you.'" The mouth is, after all, every baby's first interface with the world; it's how we get our nutrition, and that's a lot like love. And it's handily set up as an erogenous zone, so good kissing feels amazing. There may be other ways of expressing affection, but few are as obvious, direct, and universal. It's also, hallelujah, one way to swap body fluids with essentially no HIV risk, since saliva has never been shown to transmit the virus. (Not that kissing is totally safe; other nasties, including syphilis, can be passed mouth to mouth.) There's no "right" way to kiss, of course, though there's a general consensus that neither tight, dry pecks nor sloppy, wet slobbers make the grade. (And yes, it is true that kissing a heavy smoker is like licking an ashtray.) But there really are few disastrous kisses. When tongues meet, fireworks happen. It may sound a tad sentimental, but a deep, lingering kiss, whether in the back row at the movies or the backroom at a dirty bookstore, makes us glad we have mouths.
Simon SheppardSan Francisco artist and activist Simon Sheppard is best known for his contributions to the erotic literary scene. He wrote hundreds of stories that appeared in S/M magazines; erotic anthologies; and over twenty editions of Best Gay Erotica and Best American Erotica. His Sextalk column has appeared on OutUK for more than 20 years. You can find out more about Simon Sheppard in this OutUK feature and tribute, or take a look at some of his many books that are still available:
Looking for something very sexy and just as smart? Man on Man collects the best and hottest gay sex writing by Simon, who is also co-editor of Rough Stuff: Tales of Gay Men, Sex, and Power as well as a collection of gay erotica called Hotter Than Hell. In KINKORAMA : Dispatches from the Front Lines of Perversion he takes readers behind the unmarked doors and black vinyl curtains that lead to the sometimes shocking, often hilarious, relentlessly arousing scenarios of extreme sex. There are also stories of bears in Tales from the Bear Cult: Beat Bear Stories from the Best Magazines. | |
