SPEAKING OF KISSING

The middle-aged kisser continues: "I'd rather that someone be a skilled, enthusiastic kisser whose blowjob skills are so-so, than vice versa." (Of course, in either activity, a guy has to be careful with his teeth.)

In some cases, the reluctance to osculate has to do with affection - the idea that we'll blow someone because we desire him, but kiss him because we like him. "I had a trick," recalls one single guy, "who told me he and his partner were experimenting with having an open relationship, and while he'd rim me, he wouldn't kiss me on the mouth, since that was too much like what boyfriends do."

Certainly the armoured approach some gay men take to sex can make the emotional vulnerability of a kiss seem somewhat scary. And internalised homophobia can whisper, "Real men don't kiss each other on the mouths."

And then there's hygiene and safety. While it's nearly impossible to transmit HIV mouth to mouth, other diseases can be passed that way, so the highly germophobic may want to refrain. And nobody wants to kiss smelly lips, so maintain good oral health and use mouthwash (though brushing just before a date can leave the mouth more vulnerable to HIV).

Meanwhile, most of us are kissing one another, not just on the mouths, but in all sorts of interesting places. A young gay man recalls, "There was one partner I had who was so romantic. He kissed me all over: on my feet, on my eyelids, my nipples, my armpits. And my cock, of course. Not sucking, just kissing. It was really, really sweet."

Not all kisses are sweet, of course. The judicious use of teeth can take kissing to the verge of SM. Sucking face can seem frantic, even violent. Our middle-aged kissing fan recalls, "There was one guy I was with who obviously didn't want to kiss. Finally I just grabbed his head and planted one on his mouth. He tried to squirm away, but I wouldn't let him."

There's no one right way to swap spit, of course. When it comes to kisses, tastes vary. Some fellows like lips that are soft and yielding, while others prefer stiffly probing tongues. Still, there is such a thing as a bad kisser. Our young gay man says, "There was this other guy who kept his lips tightly closed and just gave me all these little dry pecks on the mouth, kind of like he was a chicken. Or a maiden aunt. Weird."

There are some guys whose nipples are hardwired to their dicks, and others for whom the sight of feet is an aphrodisiac. But for a good many of us, a splendid kiss leads straight to a stiffy. Whether it's a tentative kiss on first meeting, or a tender smackeroo after orgasm, a lip-lock can get a fellow's heart pounding like few other things can.

Simon Sheppard

San Francisco artist and activist Simon Sheppard is best known for his contributions to the erotic literary scene. He wrote hundreds of stories that appeared in S/M magazines; erotic anthologies; and over twenty editions of Best Gay Erotica and Best American Erotica. His Sextalk column has appeared on OutUK for more than 20 years. You can find out more about Simon Sheppard in this OutUK feature and tribute, or take a look at some of his many books that are still available:

       

Looking for something very sexy and just as smart? Man on Man collects the best and hottest gay sex writing by Simon, who is also co-editor of Rough Stuff: Tales of Gay Men, Sex, and Power as well as a collection of gay erotica called Hotter Than Hell.

In KINKORAMA : Dispatches from the Front Lines of Perversion he takes readers behind the unmarked doors and black vinyl curtains that lead to the sometimes shocking, often hilarious, relentlessly arousing scenarios of extreme sex. There are also stories of bears in Tales from the Bear Cult: Beat Bear Stories from the Best Magazines.