SPEAKING OF GOING SOLOSome say it can make you go blind. Others say it makes you feeble-minded. God, we hear, hates it so much He killed some guy for doing it. It's jerking off, and let's face it, we all - or almost all - indulge. | |
| "Normal" sex, the hetero, vaginal kind, has the potential for reproduction, and somewhere along the line somebody decided that baby making was sex's "purpose." Sure, fucking could give you pleasure, but the fun was viewed as just a come-on for furthering nature's plan. Anything that detracted from conception was viewed as self-abuse, sinful, or at least suspect. As attitudes got more enlightened, "sharing pleasure with the one person you love" was accepted as okay, even if reluctantly. But choking the chicken? Well, it was maybe not a real big sin, but it still was deemed second-rate. |  Premium Members click here to see more of Ren Non-members click here to join OutUK |
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I can recall an old Boy Scout Handbook cautioning, under the heading "Conserve
Your Energy," that no real man would play with himself. Even if we Real Men are
now past that sort of foolish prudishness, there's still the idea that masturbation
is something you do only when you're desperate, horny, and bored. Granted, that's
a fine reason to masturbate, but these days beating off is coming into its own.
After all, who knows what feels good to you better than you do? If you're going
to be your own best friend, what's wrong with being one of your own favorite tricks?
A quick wank in the men's room can relieve tension, true, but why not make a date with your dick? Maybe setting aside a block of time, laying out your favourite toys, putting the right music on the stereo and the right lube on your organs feels self-indulgent at first, but hey, at least you won't have to cook your cock breakfast the next morning. Hand jobs are a great path to sexual exploration. Masturbation only seems simple; watching other guys do it, on video or in the flesh, will reveal infinite variations on the jerk-off theme. There's the uncut guy elegantly playing with his foreskin, the masochist slapping his own dick around, the guy who humps his pillow, and, infamously, those jokers screwing raw liver and Mum's apple pie. Why limit yourself? There's no one watching. (Or maybe, if you're the least bit kinky, there is.) Jerking off's a wonderful way to experiment with types of condoms, brands of lube, even sizes and shapes of dildos. If you've always wondered what it feels like to have your dick all tied up, why wait? And if you're the type who just loves to play with toys, here's your chance to rock out. Not only are there dildos, buttplugs, and vibrators, there's a new kid in town that's a quantum leap beyond the cheesy blow-up dolls of yore. It's the FleshLight, a little wonder that looks like a flashlight with a screw-off cap but holds a squishy world of pleasure inside. Warm the soft insert in hot water, stick your throbbing tool into the yielding hole, and fuck the great-feeling gizmo; it even comes in several models, including one with an asshole-like pucker.
Still, one of the best things about masturbation is that so much can be accomplished
with so little; assuming you travel with your penis, your hand, and some spit, you're
always ready to play. A vengeful God might have slain Onan for spilling his seed
on the ground (Genesis 38:8-10) but even Heaven seems to have loosened up; assuming
you use a Kleenex to wipe up, odds are that neither God nor Mum will mind. Just be
sure you have a ready answer to the eternal question: "What are you doing in the
bathroom all this time?"
Simon SheppardSan Francisco artist and activist Simon Sheppard is best known for his contributions to the erotic literary scene. He wrote hundreds of stories that appeared in S/M magazines; erotic anthologies; and over twenty editions of Best Gay Erotica and Best American Erotica. His Sextalk column has appeared on OutUK for more than 20 years. You can find out more about Simon Sheppard in this OutUK feature and tribute, or take a look at some of his many books that are still available:
Looking for something very sexy and just as smart? Man on Man collects the best and hottest gay sex writing by Simon, who is also co-editor of Rough Stuff: Tales of Gay Men, Sex, and Power as well as a collection of gay erotica called Hotter Than Hell. In KINKORAMA : Dispatches from the Front Lines of Perversion he takes readers behind the unmarked doors and black vinyl curtains that lead to the sometimes shocking, often hilarious, relentlessly arousing scenarios of extreme sex. There are also stories of bears in Tales from the Bear Cult: Beat Bear Stories from the Best Magazines. | |
