SPEAKING OF SEDUCTION

Seduction can be clunky, even distasteful, but it can also be as graceful as the best bullfight that ever ended up in bed - metaphorically speaking.

We all know the movie-perfect seduction scene: candlelight, wine, sexy music, the whispering of sweet nothings, the shedding of elegant clothes. Reluctant kisses leading to hard cocks.

Another pretty hot homo confirms the quirkiness of some successful come-ons. "I was walking down the street when a guy in a car called out to me, 'Hey, wanna fuck?' It was an irresistible line. I got into his Jeep."

Such a direct approach can seduce some men - the brash Lothario at the bar who barges his way toward your basket has his appeal. But for every guy who thinks, "Wow! That fellow really wants me bad," there's another who reacts negatively, figuring his pursuer's just an insensitive jerk. The less slutty amongst us may prefer something at least a tad more polished.

Setting is important, of course. Putting the moves on someone in a crowded, noisy club calls for plenty of body language - making eye contact, sidling over, or even touching - to supplement your shouting over the music. It's another matter when you invite a prospective conquest to dinner at a nice restaurant, where your sex object's more likely to be turned on by your conversational charm than by feeling your hand crawling up his leg while he sips his Chardonnay.

Being sweet often helps, but not even outright flattery is a sure way to a guy's crotch. Some men just don't take praise well; they suspect that anyone who dishes it out in heaps is insincere or desperate.

Maybe it's a case of trying too hard. "The goal isn't to convince somebody to have sex with you," says our seductive player. "It's to find a way to let him discover he wants to."

Agony aunts often counsel, "Find out what someone's interested in, and at least pretend to take an interest in that yourself." Pretty elementary, even shabbily dishonest, but there is a point there: The successful seducer is usually less intent on showing off what a hot guy he is than in figuring out the target of his affections. It's not just the threadbare cliche of "being a good listener." It's being, at least subconsciously, a sexual psychologist. What does Mr. Right want? Does a breezy approach work, or should you be intense, sweetly sincere, or even pushily domineering? It's not a matter of being disingenuous, merely bringing out those facets of your personality most likely to get you where you want to go. (Which in this case might very well be up some hunky guy's ass.)

It may be that after a bit of give and take, a less-desired answer emerges: Whatever else the guy may want, he doesn't want to go to bed with you. In that case, take your defeat graciously, pull your claws in, and bravely soldier on. Other fish, you know.

And if you're the object of a seduction? Remember that even the most complex sexual ambivalence eventually lands on one side or the other of a simple binary: "I will" or "I won't." Don't let yourself be bamboozled into doing something you'll regret, of course. But relax. You may well decide that a clever Casanova deserves his just reward.

And that will be you.

Simon Sheppard

San Francisco artist and activist Simon Sheppard is best known for his contributions to the erotic literary scene. He wrote hundreds of stories that appeared in S/M magazines; erotic anthologies; and over twenty editions of Best Gay Erotica and Best American Erotica. His Sextalk column has appeared on OutUK for more than 20 years. You can find out more about Simon Sheppard in this OutUK feature and tribute, or take a look at some of his many books that are still available:

       

Looking for something very sexy and just as smart? Man on Man collects the best and hottest gay sex writing by Simon, who is also co-editor of Rough Stuff: Tales of Gay Men, Sex, and Power as well as a collection of gay erotica called Hotter Than Hell.

In KINKORAMA : Dispatches from the Front Lines of Perversion he takes readers behind the unmarked doors and black vinyl curtains that lead to the sometimes shocking, often hilarious, relentlessly arousing scenarios of extreme sex. There are also stories of bears in Tales from the Bear Cult: Beat Bear Stories from the Best Magazines.