SPEAKING OF SEX SHOPS

In the old days, sex shops were disreputable, sleazy places frequented by dirty old men in raincoats. You can still see them in parts of Soho. They often feature "video booths," a maze of plywood cubicles where the deposit of a token or two will allow a horny gentleman to watch part of a porn film or, depending on the permissiveness of the management, to participate in a real-life orgy of his own, all amidst the heady odours of disinfectant and dried cum.

While there's certainly nothing wrong with going to your basic adult bookstore to stock up on lube and porn mags, it's the more up-market shops, the "clean, well-lighted places for sex," that are more likely to stock a full range of quality sex books, silicone dildos, and up-to-the-minute postmodern sex toys, and the assistants there are more likely to be able to offer helpful, knowledgeable advice. Their goods may seem more expensive than the stuff you mail order from the back of magazines, but - in bed as well as out of it - you get what you pay for. Cheesy stuff is more likely to fall apart, and not all penis pumps are created equal. So spend the extra money - your dick is worth it.

Then there are the specialty shops catering to the fans of kink, Wal-Marts for the hard-core pervert. Though they're usually awash with intoxicating smell of fresh leather, they also feature such otherwise hard-to-obtain must-haves like latex fetishwear, iron bondage shackles, and other edgy stuff other sex shops don't stock. A visit to a good SM shop can broaden a novice's horizons or fill out a leather daddy's Christmas list.

Shopping at even the nicest sex shop is a bit different from going to Marks & Spencer. For one thing, the return policy is rather restrictive. "We'll exchange stuff if it's truly defective, but that's about it," says a guy who helps run a gay sex shop. "We don't give refunds for any kind of toy once it leaves the store, though that doesn't stop guys from trying. A few weeks ago somebody tried to return a buttplug that had hairs and dried lube all over it. I mean, really ..."

Queers not living in major urban centres have their shopping options reduced. There might be an Ann Summers in town, but how likely are they to stock stiletto-heeled, lace-up boots in a man's size 11? Fortunately, websites like OutUK now have big, user-friendly shopping pages that make ordering from anywhere easy. Of course you do miss the recreational possibilities of brick-and-mortar stores, where you can watch that cute straight couple shop for a strap-on dildo - will Mr. Boyfriend be taking it up the arse? - or sidle up to that attractive fellow leafing through gay bondage magazines and murmur sweet nothings in his submissive ear. It's the kind of experience that lends new meaning to the phrase, "Just looking, thanks."

Simon Sheppard

San Francisco artist and activist Simon Sheppard is best known for his contributions to the erotic literary scene. He wrote hundreds of stories that appeared in S/M magazines; erotic anthologies; and over twenty editions of Best Gay Erotica and Best American Erotica. His Sextalk column has appeared on OutUK for more than 20 years. You can find out more about Simon Sheppard in this OutUK feature and tribute, or take a look at some of his many books that are still available:

       

Looking for something very sexy and just as smart? Man on Man collects the best and hottest gay sex writing by Simon, who is also co-editor of Rough Stuff: Tales of Gay Men, Sex, and Power as well as a collection of gay erotica called Hotter Than Hell.

In KINKORAMA : Dispatches from the Front Lines of Perversion he takes readers behind the unmarked doors and black vinyl curtains that lead to the sometimes shocking, often hilarious, relentlessly arousing scenarios of extreme sex. There are also stories of bears in Tales from the Bear Cult: Beat Bear Stories from the Best Magazines.