SPEAKING OF STAYING HARD

Then there are erection-producing prescription drugs. Viagra, the most famous, is generally effective. It's not, however, without risks, particularly for guys with circulatory and blood pressure problems. And beware: poppers and Viagra don't mix. Never use your partner's Viagra prescription recreationally, only under the guidance of a doctor. Other substances are also touted to put the starch back in. Yohimbine, for instance, is a South American herb that's pretty safe to use, but effective for fewer than a third of the guys who try it. You can read more about alternatives to Viagra here.

There are other, more radical treatments. Injecting prostaglandin into the base of a dick will cause a raging hard-on in a matter of minutes. Surgical implants install a permanent gizmo to get things stiff on demand, often hydraulically.

But staying hard can be easier. Most glitches are temporary. In many cases, all that's required is a bit of relaxation or a heart-to-heart snuggle with an understanding partner. We like to think of our dicks as sturdy little sailors, always ready to stand at attention, but sometimes they go on shore leave. If yours does, don't worry. He'll probably be back, good as new. And if your partner starts drooping, don't take it as a personal affront. Some guys' cocks just stay less hard than others do, and it's not necessarily a gauge of their enjoyment or your sexiness.

"Before I start playing with somebody new," says one kinky fella, "I like to tell my partner that we might at some point both be soft and still be having a great time. If he's not having a good time, I expect to hear it from his mouth, not his penis."

One stumbling block in homo erectus' struggle to stay erect is the common condom. It has conquered many a woody, but need not be that traumatic. Try having the condom and lube out and ready beforehand, even opening the packet so there's no libido-dampening delay. And you might want to have that cockring available, too.

Remember, it's fine to have sex that isn't so cock-centric. The dick is our prime joystick, true, but it's not an absolute requirement for fun. Titplay, ball-licking, assplay, role-playing, SM, sensual massage - there are so many way to give and receive bodily pleasure, and not all of them depend on that sometimes-persnickety tube of flesh. Relax and enjoy yourself - your whole self. And just remember... it happens to everybody sooner or later.

Simon Sheppard

San Francisco artist and activist Simon Sheppard is best known for his contributions to the erotic literary scene. He wrote hundreds of stories that appeared in S/M magazines; erotic anthologies; and over twenty editions of Best Gay Erotica and Best American Erotica. His Sextalk column has appeared on OutUK for more than 20 years. You can find out more about Simon Sheppard in this OutUK feature and tribute, or take a look at some of his many books that are still available:

       

Looking for something very sexy and just as smart? Man on Man collects the best and hottest gay sex writing by Simon, who is also co-editor of Rough Stuff: Tales of Gay Men, Sex, and Power as well as a collection of gay erotica called Hotter Than Hell.

In KINKORAMA : Dispatches from the Front Lines of Perversion he takes readers behind the unmarked doors and black vinyl curtains that lead to the sometimes shocking, often hilarious, relentlessly arousing scenarios of extreme sex. There are also stories of bears in Tales from the Bear Cult: Beat Bear Stories from the Best Magazines.