James Connor can answer all your questions on gay relationships, sex, health and love. James is founder of the
website www.freshsx.com and his new DVD label has
just released it's first movie featuring James in action. It's available now from the OutUK
online store ShopGay. The opinions he gives in Ask James are based on his experiences as a gay man who enjoys all
love and sex. He's not a qualified doctor, trained counsellor or therapist but his advice is like that of a close
The Ask James Archive has loads of questions and answers
featured in previous editions of the column.
This Week - Pain below, Prostate fun and I just want oral
Phil has a bit of a wanky question: I like to masturbate. Sometimes I masturbate for hours after which I have pain in my balls. Is that normal?
James says: Yes, too much masturbation can cause pain either in your balls or in your dick! Some STD's are even caused by this, namely NSU, or non-specific urethritis, for which one of the causes can be over use!
Be careful not to damage yourself and remember that pain is your body's way of showing you that something is wrong. Maybe if you are wanking every day take a day off sometimes or try wanking for a shorter period. Whilst it is a good idea for you to be able to control ejaculations so that you don't cum too quick during sex, you really shouldn't get yourself into a situation where you can't cum when you want to, and every ejaculation takes hours.
Try and vary your masturbation so it's different every time, and you'll end up enjoying things more, and more than likely eliminate any pain.
If you are concerned about any aspect of this issue then you should visit an STD clinic and ask them for their advice. I am sure however that if you wank less, and follow this advice then you shouldn't get this pain!
Ben's after some prostate fun: I've heard that to have your prostate touched feels good. Is this true? I am always on top when it comes to sex and I would like to try this with my partner. My cock is curved and that should help touching his prostate while he gets fucked. Is there anyway for me to do this?
James replies: Hi Ben, yes for the botom it is great when you hit the prostate but it needs a bit of practice. The prostate is located in the rectum and is just below the bladder and it wraps around the uretha and is found only in men. Basically it is about half an inch inside the opening of the anus. Stimulating this while fucking is great for the bottom and really enhances the experience.
You should choose positions that will assist in stimulating the prostate.
Try with the bottom on his back and the top kneeling and fucking him face on. The top can also hold the bottom's legs. This position will stimulate the prostate on each stroke.
Another good one to try is with the bottom face down with his bum raised in the air. The top is either standing or kneeling and this is a good angle to hit the prostate as well. The top can also change the angle very easily to stimulate the prostate even more.
Of course guys with bigger dicks can hit the spot more easily but it is a good idea even if you are only top to find out where the prostate is. In fact guys who are versatile are much better at fucking, than total tops, as they know what feels good when they are being fucked and will also know where the prostate is and what it feels like when its hit properly!
Lee has an oral question: Do you think that two gay men can be in a relationship and only practice oral sex? I don't know if there are any men out there that are interested in just being lovers and just doing the oral thing. I'm not into anal sex.
James answers: Hi Lee, yes there are a lot of guys out there who are not into anal sex, in fact we have had quite a few questions about this already on Ask James.
Sex is a widely varied thing and many different things turn people on and of course we are all totally different in our likes and dislikes. There are guys who are not into anal sex at all and so for them they find other forms of sex more enjoyable such as oral. If this is what you like then make sure you find a partner who has the same likes as you so that you can really enjoy being together.
Also remember that throughout our lives our tastes change and so just because you are not interested in anal sex now it doesn't mean that is the way you'll be for the rest of your life. Try to keep an open mind as you may find that in the future you meet someone who you like so much and who you are so relaxed with that you want to try anal sex with them.
Just relax and do what you want when you want to do it, and don't do anything you are unsure about, or think you don't want to do. It's not a competition, and there aren't any rules you have to follow. Enjoy sex the way you want it.