James Connor can answer all your questions on gay relationships, sex, health and love. James is founder of the
website www.freshsx.com and his new DVD label has
just released it's first movie featuring James in action. It's available now from the OutUK
online store ShopGay. The opinions he gives in Ask James are based on his experiences as a gay man who enjoys all
love and sex. He's not a qualified doctor, trained counsellor or therapist but his advice is like that of a close
The Ask James Archive has loads of questions and answers
featured in previous editions of the column.
This Week - New starters, First time films and Supplements
nizam has a big question: James, I know this may seem a weird question, but how do you learn to have a great sex? I'm just starting out and I don't think I'm much in bed. I don't really know what to do.
James says: Hi, well I guess the best way to have great sex is just to get going as soon as you can and to learn on the way some different techinques. By observing your partner you can see what turns him on and what works and what doesn't!
It is important to remember that we are all different and that something that turns on one guy might not have the same effect on another! Some guys like really passionate kissing whereas others don't. Some guys love being sucked off whereas others don't. Some guys are not into anal sex. Other guys really get turned on by more fetish scenarios.
It is important for you to learn what great sex means for you (and for everyone the definition is very different) and then to make the absolute best of your sex life. Sometimes you will have great sex and other times it will be ok, so don't get upset if every time you are not bouncing off the ceiling!
It is also worth noting that for some people great sex comes over time being with the same partner, whereas for others it means sleeping with many different guys. When having multiple partners always remember the risks that exist for catching STD's and make sure you are regularly checked. Also for anal sex always use a condom as that really is the most important way of protecting yourself from HIV.
One of the best ways of learning about sex is to have sex with someone who is older and more experienced. Maybe you can meet a hot sex buddy who is older than you and who can teach you a thing or two!
Try some of the gay dating websites as they are by far the easiest way of meeting someone for sex and also far easier to find someone to have sex with who is more compatible with you and exactly what you are looking for!
honey has a sticky question: Hi James, I want to become a pornstar, and I know I have to get tested but what do they test you for? Is it just HIV and AIDS, or are there other tests you have to have before getting into the movies?
James replies: If you are working in porn then you should be tested regularly for HIV and some companies will require you to have an HIV certificate before working with them.
Remember that the only effective way of protecting yourself from HIV is to only have sex with a condom. Some companies do produce movies where the models fuck without condoms, so called bareback movies. The models may have a recent HIV test but this only shows that the model was HIV negative up to 3 months before they did the test. In that 3 month window period they may have had unprotected sex and become infected with the HIV virus.
The latest HIV tests are more sensitive than those used previously and most people will develop detectable antibodies by 30 days after infection with HIV and nearly everyone who is infected with HIV will have antibodies detectable 3 months after infection.
A small percentage of people can take up to 6 months to show antibodies. So someone having a certificate stating that they are HIV negative is no definite indication that they do not have the virus. It merely states that they didn't have the virus between 1 and 3 months ago!
You should also be checked regularly for other diseases such as chlamydia, gonorrhea, syphilis, etc. These are all very easily treated especially when detected early. They are becoming more common and therefore easier to contract so make sure you are regularly checked out - once every 2-3 months would be wise.
Nicky wants some info: James, I've met people who think the product called "Tribex" is great. What is your opinion? I'm 38, would it improve my libido and staying power? Are there any side-effects known at all? I don't want it for any other purpose like muscle-bulking etc.
James answers: The main ingredient in 'Tribex' is Tribulus Terrestris which is a natural plant famed for increasing testosterone levels which has muscle building results as well as increasing libido. It is claimed for it to start working in the body you need to allow 2-3 weeks of taking it, for it to build to effective levels.
There are various scientific studies conducted on the effectiveness of Tribulus Terrestris with varying results. Also if you check the forums on various sites there are also different reported effects! It would appear that in some users their libido did actually increase, so it might be worth a go!
It is quite expensive so set a budget and a time frame and if you see no effects by then, maybe it isn't the thing for you. It is also stated that there are no significant after effects. Some have reported a slight upset stomach but this can often be offset by taking it with food.