This Week - Date rape, Gay and straight plus No can cum

Stewart says: After a football match I went out for a night out with some friends and I was having a good time. I don't remember much except that I later woke up and I was in a hotel room. I was completely stripped and I had marks on my groin, penis and stomach. My cock had been sucked as I felt something while I was asleep. I do remember partially waking up but I was unable to move. I felt someone was taking my shorts off and my socks. I thought it was a dream but when I woke up I don't remember how or when I got there or who brought me there. I had a bad headache so I went home. I don't drink alcohol so I was not drunk. I fear that I may have been given some drug or something. The thing is that the friends I went out have known me for years and there is no way any of them would do that to me. They did ask me later where I had got to as they said they could not find me and they then went home. Is this date rape, and is it common amongst gay people. Should I go to the police. I feel so ashamed and frightened.

James says: Hi Stewart, what you say is actually very worrying. I think this maybe a case of date rape where someone puts a drug such as GHB in your drink.

What happens in these cases is that everything gets very confused and you can easily collapse on a drug like this. It is very easy for someone to drag you into a taxi or car and get you to their home. You are basically so drugged that you can't stop them doing what they want to you. I actually had my drink spiked with GHB once in a club and I fainted and went unconscious but I was lucky I was with my boyfriend at the time and he took me home and looked after me and was totally amazing!

Unfortunately it seems that your friends lost you and you ended up with someone who you didn't want to be with. The important thing to remember in these situations is that it isn't your fault and there was nothing that you could have done.

You do need to report this to the police as they need to do more work on getting this kind of thing stopped. Also you may remember details of the person who did this to you or they may be able to go through CCTV footage for images of the person. You also must go to a sexual health clinic and explain to them what happened and be tested for STD's.

If you don't remember fully what happened, that is totally normal when you are under the influence of a drug such as GHB, and it is possible the man may have had unprotected sex with you so being tested is very important. Date rape is a very serious crime and the police are now treating it as exactly this. They will want to know what happened and it is in your best interests to tell them.

Maybe it won't help you personally but it may prevent other people having the same experience as you and even if this means just one person less gets attacked then that is something you can be proud of.

Good luck and I wish you all the best for this and hope it turns out ok with you and in future NEVER leave your drink standing on a bar or out of sight! Keep hold of your drink until it is finished at all times.

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Andrew asks: I am 18 years old and I am currently at university. I have recently been sleeping with my female flatmate, and everything is going great until we keep going for ages, she expects me to cum, but I just can't, as much as I force it, it just won't budge. She thinks it is either because I don't fancy her or that I am gay. I definitely do fancy her, but I don't know if I am also gay at the same time. Please help, I have had so many girlfriends but have never come through intercourse with any of them.

James replies: Hi Andrew, you know many guys cannot come when fucking someone else, and that by itself does not mean that you are gay. However, the fact that you are questioning your sexuality and looking at this gay website should tell you something. Many gay guys who previously dated women have told me that they never found satisfaction through heterosexual sex.

You're now 18 years old and at university, this is the best time for you to truly discover yourself in a safe environment with other young people in a similar situation. You could be straight, gay or bisexual, but in the end only you can know what you truly are, and sometimes it takes time to work things out.

Don't be afraid of new experiences, but only do what you feel comfortable doing, and always play safe (with girls as well as boys). Remember, sexuality is rarely black and white.

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Kris wants to know: I'm a 19 year virgin and have a lot of problems. I am shy, I have no confidence and when I masturbate I don't make any cum. Sometimes there's nothing at all and I don't orgasm. What do I do?

James answers: Hi Kris, I'm sorry to hear that you are unable to orgasm when you masturbate, this could either be a medical problem, or possibly due to the way you feel about yourself.

Most guys are developed enough to be able to come when they masturbate at 19, but some people develop later on. Have you gone through puberty? (Do you need to shave your face, pubic hair around your genitals, or have a deeper voice). If you are concerned it could be a physical problem in which case you should go to see your GP or call NHS Direct on 08 45 46 47.

Alternatively, it could be because you are uncomfortable or stressed. If you are feeling stressed out, it will make it much harder to come. It could be a vicious circle. You are unable to come so you stress about it, and because you're stressed, you're unable to come. Try to relax, maybe watch some porn to turn yourself on and to take your mind off everything else.

If you are concerned about being shy or having no confidence, maybe you should speak to a counsellor who will help you work out why you are shy. They can help you become more assertive, and help to make you feel better about yourself. Feeling shy or self conscious is not a nice feeling, but it is something you can overcome, if not by yourself, then certainly with some outside help.

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