This Week - Don't wanna cum, Being a houseboy and Being hairy

Daz asks: My boyfriend and I have good sex but he doesn't come. Is this an opposite of premature ejaculation? Is there anything we can do about it?

James says: Daz, what you need to look at here is why your boyfriend doesn't orgasm. Is it that he never is able to cum or that he is only able to cum in certain situations?

Most people will have problems cumming if the circumstances are not right and different things make people cum more easily - sometimes guys just won't cum unless everything is right. This is due to a variety of psychological and physical factors. For example a lot of guys can only cum when they are in control and therefore are not able to cum when their partner is masturbating them. Other guys find it very difficult to cum while they are having anal sex.

Now I assume that he is able to cum when he wanks himself and just has problems with cumming when you have sex together? If this is the case then when you next have sex and he doesn't cum then he should leave it and not cum at all. If he doesn't cum next time then he should also wait and not ever wank on his own. This should be repeated until he cums when you are both having sex together. This is the best way for the body and mind to get used to cumming when there is someone else there.

Also you could try finding out what helps him to cum ... what turns him on the most and see if that helps, for example maybe he likes his nipples to be bitten or maybe he would find it easier to cum while fucking you? Talk about it together and find out what is best.

If he can't cum due to other psychological problems then this could be due to anxiety or stress. It is important not to worry about cumming as the more you worry about it then the harder it will be to cum as failure adds to the anxiety about not cumming and it can only get worse. If he can relax more and let things happen naturally then he should be able to cum when you are both together.

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Jules wants a job: I saw an ad in one of the gay newspapers last month for a houseboy. I really fancy doing this, as I like older guys, and want to travel the world. What sort of duties do most houseboys undertake? Should I expect pay? Is it a case of me doing housework in return for board and lodgings or is sex involved? I don't mind the sex actually, but will I be expected to satisfy the guy I'm with and all his friends? Do you think I can trust the persons who put these ads in? Sorry about all these questions ... but I'd really like your views!

James replies: Hi Jules, well it is very hard to answer all these questions as at the end of the day the answers really depend upon the individual person who has placed the advert.

Some guys place adverts for houseboys as they like the idea of a younger guy living with them to help with looking after the house and to keep them company. Other guys would place an advert like this with sex in mind so it is important to establish what exactly is involved. Sometimes you may be offered just free lodging, othertimes you may be paid to look after and clean the house.

As for trusting someone, well you have to learn yourself how to judge people and decide if they can be trusted or not! But at the end of the day if you are living in someone else's house then they also have to be able to trust you as well!

I would suggest that you decide what you would ultimately be happy with and then arrange to meet a few people who have placed ads and talk to them about what is involved, if they pay, if there is free accomodation etc. You should also be careful when arranging to meet someone for the first time so make sure you let a friend know what you are doing and where you are. If you arrange to meet someone at say 5 o'clock then you could arrange to have a friend call you at say 5.15 just to check you are ok and also let them know exactly where you are. Always arrange to meet and stay in a public place on a first date.

As for the sex issue, it is as I say, very much down to the person placing the ad as to what's expected. Be upfront about this and ask. "Would you want to have sex with me as part of my everyday duties?" You could also enquire as to roughly how often sex would be expected and whether he would want you to have sex with some of his guests and friends. That might be something you'd like to do, or something you may not - but be clear and upfront about what you want out of this and what you don't.

I know one houseboy who's more than happy to service a roomful of guys on a regular basis to please his employer and another who doesn't have any sex at all, but does do all the household cleaning and cooking. Be sure to find out before you enter into any arrangement.

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Jon has a bad hair day: Are hair follicles common? If I have sex, is a guy going to freak out seeing a rash where I've shaved myself? Is there anything I can do, to reduce the rash? Also, how do I reduce the look of the hair follicles, and do they exist on the penis itself along the ridge?

James answers: Hair follicles are the cavities in the skin where individual hairs sit, so yes hair follicles are common all over your body! I don't think that most guys will freak out if they see you have a shaving rash but if the rash is particularly bad then it may not look so nice.

When you shave make sure you use a pre-shave lotion and after shaving use an after-shave lotion as well to calm the skin. Make sure it's a calming lotion not an alcohol based spirit! If you want to shave more sensitive areas of your body such as your balls then consider using an electric shaver as they are less harsh on the skin and won't cause such a bad rash. You can have hair and therefore follicles along your penis as well and generally some guys have more hair than others, here, there and everywhere!

One other thought. Rather than shaving you could always try Hair No More hair removing cream which is specially formulated for sensitive areas like round your crotch and balls.

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