This Week - Keeping Friends, Losing loads and Not losing them

Jamie D has a friendly question: Hi James, I've been seeing my boyfriend for the past 6 months and we are very much in love. He is 21 and I'm 26 and although we both still live with our parents we try to spend as much time together as possible. Because of work this can sometimes vary from twice a week to every day. However my boyfriend gets really annoyed when I want to spend time with my friends. My friends are very important to me and I don't want to be one of these people who forget them the minute I'm in a relationship. He gets on well with them all, but there are times when I just need my own space with my friends. Its now getting to the stage where he is making me feel guilty about not going to see him when I'm with his friends. I've told him how important my friends are and he says he understands, but he doesn't show it in his actions. IS there anything I can do before it starts getting to the point where I will begin resenting him?

James says: Hi, well as usual this really is something that you need to talk about. We all need our friends and there is always the danger when you are in a relationship that you end up neglecting your friends because you spend too much time with your new boyfriend.

What is really needed here is a balance so you spend plenty of time with your boyfriend but also have time to spend with your friends as well. Whether this means you go out with your friends on your own or with your partner depends on you, but you need to talk with your boyfriend again about this and explain to him how important your friends are to you.

Maybe it would be easier if you arranged to go out with your friends and your boyfriend as well so he can get to know them better. Also make sure you find out why he doesn't like you to see your friends. It is also worth you knowing why he doesn't feel the same about his friends and why he doesn't want to spend time with them as you want to spend time with your friends.

Try and talk about this openly and honestly and try to come up with some sort of compromise! Is it possible that he doesn't have many good friends and resents the fact that you do. If that is so then the best way to go from here is to bring him into your circle of friends more, so that they like him as much as they like you. There's no reason to think that they won't.

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Jon cums up with this: James, I seem to loose my load easily and would like to know what the best method is for delaying cuming. It only takes a couple of strokes before I cream and this is rather annoying.

James replies: Hi Jon, this is something that you need to work on. Cuming too soon is often termed premature ejaculation. It can be caused from being too sexually excited and one way around that is just to have more sex! Try wanking more often and cuming more often and it may help.

You should also practise trying not to cum so fast. Try wanking but stopping just before you cum. Let your dick go soft and then start again. Try to repeat this a few times before you actually cum and over time you should find that you are able to control when you cum and have longer sessions before you cum.

Squeezing your dick around the base can also have the same effect by delaying ejaculation, so try holding your dick here just before you feel you are going to cum, and see if you can stop it this way as well. Practice makes perfect!

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David has the opposite: Hi James, I've got the opposite problem from so many guys I see here. I can get an erection no probs and penetrate easily, have a great time, give great satisfaction, BUT I just don't cum. No clue why and of course some guys get really offended. Doesn't seem to matter how much I fancy him, how much I really wanna cum, nothing happens. It doesn't even happen when I wank, unless I go on for ages and ages. What can I do to get it to work better?

James answers: Hi David, well the key here is that you do cum when you are on your own and you only can't cum when you are with other guys.

You really need to relax more whilst having sex with other men. Sometimes what happens when you can't cum easily but want to is that you get annoyed or embarrassed from it. Then the next time this anxiety makes it harder to cum and you get stuck in a vicious circle.

The best way to get out of this is to wank alone a lot more so that you are confident that you can cum when you want to. The more you wank the easier it should get, but make sure you are really turned on at the time. You need to use some visual stimulants like magazines or DVDs, and let your mind wander fantasising about guys who you've slept with or would like to sleep with, and what the two of you will do.

When you've wanked more, and started to come more easily, then you should have sex with someone who you can really relax with, and tell them before that you don't often cum but really want to with them. Tell them what really gets you off so that you can relax and enjoy it. With them doing to you what you really like, and with you feeling relaxed and comfortable, this should help a lot.

If after a period of time this really doesn't work then you might like to consider visiting an STD clinic and seeking some advice as they are very used to this and can offer some really useful support and advice!

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