This Week - Open Relationships, Douching and Cleanliness

Greg is not ready yet: I've just started University and met this guy. He's a bit older than me, but he is so fine. We've kissed and met up a few times, but I've heard he is in an open relationship. I'm concerned that all he wants is sex, when I would quite like a relationship. Also, as I am just finishing treatment for phimosis, I'm not quite ready to have sex. I wonder how I can tell him and if he would wait for me.

James says: Hi Greg, a lot of guys are in open relationships and the main reason for doing this is that it can help to keep their existing relationship going.

After having been with a partner for some time it is not unusual that the sex that was so great at the beginning begins to tail off. Often couples start to have a lot less sex than when they first met. This can put a big strain on a relationship and one solution is for guys to have an open relationship. As long as they are honest with each other and deal with all of their emotions in an open and upfront manner this can be a good solution for a flagging sex life.

As you have met a guy who is in an open relationship you should realise that he has already committed to another person. They may have decided on an open relationship because they have been together for some time and feel quite secure with each other having sex with other guys. You must ask yourself what you are expecting from him? Are you hoping that he will fall in love and leave his current partner for you?

Most guys who are in a committed relationship do not look around for someone else. If they are in an open relationship they will only really be looking for guys to have sex with. I don't think you should really set your heart on this being anything more than just sex, unless he is interested in you as a friend.

Why not speak to him about it and ask exactly what it is he's looking for? Tell him upfront about your minor operation, and you'll know where you stand. It's really nothing to be concerned about, and is a very short term issue.

Even if you do have an affair with him it is very unlikely that he will leave his partner for you. Most guys in relationships who have affairs rarely leave their partners for the other guy, so in your situation it would be wise for you to go into it with your eyes open. There's no reason why you can't enjoy it for what it is, but just don't fall in love with the man. You'll get hurt.

---

A-V has a clean question: Is there a correct way to douch? Having a hectic social life and the resultant morning-after belly makes me paranoid about being fucked and what might emerge or end up on the condom. Do you have any recommendations?

James replies: Douching is an important element of hygiene when you are going to have anal sex. A dirty condom is not exactly a nice way of ending a hot sex session. Douching is one of the best ways to avoid this.

To douche you can use either a squeezable rubber ball or a tube you connect to the shower. The rubber ball is filled with tepid water and you squeeze some water up your bum and then keep it there for 5-10 seconds and then let it out. The tube connected to the shower is the same technique but the water is constant, so don't have it too fast and check the temperature VERY carefully before. You will find douching takes time to get used to, especially holding water inside you and slowly letting it out. You will get used to it though!

You can get both of these items from ShopGay our online store.

One of the best ways to help you be clean for anal sex is to have a good diet, good exercise, drink lots of water and avoid too much alcohol, drugs and spicy food!

---

Jahg is also one for cleanliness: James, I am in a very loving relationship with an amazing guy. We have been together for two years but the other day I realized with a shock that the honeymoon phase is over. I am a very neat person. Not entirely Joan Crawford but I find that I get incredibly annoyed by my boyfriend's little habits. He says he is neat (he is admittedly neater than most) but I still find myself picking up after him a lot. I also have to clean the kitchen after he cooked or something and I do the washing too (he offers to help but he cannot do it properly to save his life!). I feel a little like the maid and that is pissing me off big time! I love him and we have talked about this numerous times and he promises to try harder but it never really gets any better. What should I do? This situation is turning me into a grumpy person and that is killing our relationship.

James answers: This is not uncommon in relationships. One of you more practical than the other, and somewhat better at getting housey things done!

I can understand that it can be quite annoying for you if you end up doing everything yourself. You do say that he tries to help, but he can't do all of it well. This does really indicate that the problem is actually not with him, but more with you! To be honest, intelligent people no matter how useless they seem to be, are able to change and are able to learn.

I appreciate that very occasionally some people just cannot grasp certain concepts but with a bit of patience and support from others most people can learn to do most things! You really do need to stop being so critical and allow him to do more around the house. Teach him how to do things properly, or at least the way you want, but don't criticise him if he doesn't live up to your expectations!

You should also try and not be so meticulous yourself. It is so much better to have him helping you in his own way rather than him feeling useless and rejected. It's totally counter productive if you end up not allowing him to do anything and you find yourself doing it all! You need to learn how to relax a bit and appreciate his contribution to your relationship. If you carry on the way you are you'll have the neatest house on the planet, but absolutely nobody to share it with.

---