James Connor can answer all your questions on gay relationships, sex, health and love. James founded his own highly successful gay website and film label called FreshSX. The opinions he gives in Ask James are based on his experiences as a gay man who enjoys all aspects of love and sex. He's not a qualified doctor, trained counsellor or therapist but his advice is like that of a close friend.

The Ask James Archive has loads of questions and answers featured in previous editions of the column.

Ask James

This Week - Getting a load, Big Dildos and Falling in love

Ben asks: I masturbate or have sex with my bf on average once a day (sometimes more I guess) but I don't ever seem to cum that much and it's always fairly thin and liquidy. I am quite into cum and love it when guys shoot loads of the thick creamy stuff... How can I increase the volume of my cum and make it thicker?? Oh, and don't suggest wanking or shagging less often as thats really not worth it is it!!! LOL!!

James says: Hi Ben, well when it comes to producing loads of cum it will make a difference how long you save it up for. Of course if you come three or four times a day then you will cum less than if you wait a few days and then cum, but there are a few tricks you can try to cum more and still have sex every day.

The most effective way of producing more cum is to make sex last longer. When you feel you are about to cum stop wanking or fucking, let the feeling subside and then start again. By doing this several times, when you do actually cum you will produce more and shoot further.

As to it not being thick enough you can try eating more yoghurt, wheatgerm, and dairy products as some people claim this can make your cum thicker and more creamy. Make sure you have a good balanced diet as certain vitamins have been linked to producing more semen.

There are products on the market that claim to help produce more cum but how effective these are is questionable. Remember that everyone's cum is completely different and can just depend on your own body. Cum can naturally be thick or thin, produced by the bucket load or just a dribble and shoot over your head or just drip onto your leg. Most of the time it really is just down to you and the way your body produces cum, so don't worry too much if you don't cum like a pornstar and concentrate on enjoying yourself!

Phil inserts this: I have recently been using a small dildo when I wank which I have found surprisingly easy to use. It has given me the best orgasms I have ever enjoyed alone. I now want to try something larger but am concerned that if I go for some of the larger dildos available, such as an 8 or 9 incher, I may harm my colon. Should I be satisfied with what I have or is it safe to use large dildos on a regular basis?

James replies: Dildos recreate the same feeling as when you are being fucked and in a lot of people this will intensify an orgasm. But as with anything you insert in your anus, whether a dildo or a dick, it is all a matter of practice.

As you get more used to having a dildo in your ass the muscles relax more and that means you can start taking larger objects too!

Many people can take very large objects up their arse so it really depends on the person, and their experience. If you feel that you are ready to move on to a larger dildo then try. Take it slowly, use lots of lube and always stop if it hurts. If you enjoy it and it isn't painful then there's no problem. Take things slowly.

Dylan writes: Recently, I have fallen in love with a guy who I've known for almost a year. In that one year period, we were really connecting and definately there was a love swirling around. My feelings are so strong for him right now that I actually told him that I have fallen in love with him. The reaction that I got, wasn't what I was expected. He said that he didn't want a relationship to commit to right now. That was a shocker for me as we were sharing very compassionately and unconditionally. He has been through 3 relationships before that ended up quite badly. Why did he react this way? What should I do?

James answers: Dylan, this is always a difficult one. When to tell someone you love them and what to do if they react differently from how you feel.

The fact that he said he doesn't want a relationship right now doesn't actually mean he doesn't want to be with you or that he doesn't also have feelings of love towards you. It is quite understandable that if he has already had 3 relationships before that didn't end very nicely that he is now going to be much more cautious about entering another relationship for fear that exactly the same thing could happen again.

It can also be hard to commit to just one person sometimes, a lot of guys like the idea but at the end of the day find that life is sometimes easier without that kind of commitment. Also the more relationships someone has already had that ended badly will make them much more wary about entering into another relationship.

The best way to cope with this at the moment is to give him some time, and do not put any kind of emotional pressure on him, as this may just scare him away completely.

Explain to him that you understand, that it doesn't change the way you feel about him and then see what happens. Maybe in a few months he will turn around and ask you to be his boyfriend, when he realises how lucky he is to have someone who understands and cares about him? If you know that the feeling is there from both of you then he is worth waiting for, and giving him some time to get his head around having another relationship is the best way to deal with it at the moment. Good luck!


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