This Week - Work Colleagues, Watersports and Straight Love

regor57 works in this question: My partner and I have lived together for 10 years and are out to close friends but not work colleagues. A work colleague has asked if he can stop over after the works Christmas party. I would like to say yes, mainly because he is so sexy and I may catch him in an undressed state. How do I approach my partner and do I come out to the work colleague.

James says: I guess the main issue here is why the work colleague wants to stop over. Is he asking to stay with you as he lives far away? Is it because he may think you are gay and is interested in that?

If he is purely asking to stay then why do you even need to come out to him? You have already decided not to come out to the people you work with so if you were to tell him then it would mean the whole office would probably find out, so you really need to decide why you haven't come out to them yet, and if that is something you would want to happen. It is not really good to invite him over just because you want to see him in his undies.

If he just wants a bed for the night then why would this be an issue for you and your partner? Surely you have friends stay sometimes too? And of course if you have been with your partner for 10 years then it should be quite easy for you to discuss something like this together I would have thought, without worries about one or other of you wanting to get off with your guest.

Just talk it through with your partner and then if you both understand what you want and what you expect, you can have a great Christmas party. You also need to know from your friend whether he wants to go to bed the moment he arrives at your place, or expects a lot more. Get some indications from him before he arrives and it will be far less embarrassing for you all on the night. Whatever happens after that is just an extra for you to enjoy!

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Andrew is bursting to ask this: I've just recently come out and looking through some websites I've seen mentions of watersports. I'm guessing this isn't like waterski-ing, but what is watersports, and why do people like them?

James replies: Watersports is basically one of the more extreme sexual acts where someone pisses on another guy. This is not usually something that people get into right away and a lot of guys never get into this at all. Watersports does fall into the more extreme areas of sex along with other stuff like bondage, spanking, fisting and more kinky sex.

It is also quite common for guys to get into this as they get older and often more experienced. Maybe it is because there comes a time when a lot of guys look for something more exciting or something that is different from what they have experienced before. Also, let's face it, some guys whatever their age are just really horny and love sex, and for these guys watersports is just another way of enjoying being with another person.

Watersports comes in its weakest form as someone pissing on someone else, often their body, and it moves into more extreme watersports with someone actually pissing in the mouth of the other guy. There are even masks with tubes so that the guy who is taking the piss cannot even pull away or refuse to take it. This has a lot to do with domination and is why some guys particularly enjoy it.

When you first come out as being gay a lot of the harder gay sex scene can seem shocking but don't judge it. Be open minded and understand what you are getting into. You will see that there are a lot of very cool guys who enjoy pushing the boundaries of sex. Even if it is something that doesn't interest you, then it doesn't mean it is wrong. It may be that it's just what someone else enjoys and really wants and not to your particular taste!

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very confused is just that: I am mid 40's in a straight relationship, but sometimes need to be totally intimate with a man. I love being dominated and with someone strong and forceful when I do. I get really turned on with passionate kissing and being fucked and all the fun things. Should I walk away and fight the urges or should I surrender to them when they arise.

James answers: Hi there, well I think your emotions and feelings here are totally natural, as you say you would almost like them not to exist but they do, so that is something to realise about yourself. If you are relatively happy with your current partner then that shows you are bisexual, as you obviously enjoy being with a woman but also feel you want to be with a man.

Unfortunately it is hard to supress the feelings you have. Depending on your personality, doing this will affect you in a number of different ways. It could make you miserable, confused, irritable or even violent.

You have obviously been with men before as you say you need it regularly. I would not recommend repressing your gay feelings unless you really feel comfortable with that, and feel you can live the rest of your life very happily like that. You need to consider exactly how you intend to sleep with guys. Are you going to do it occasionally and not tell your current partner? Do you know guys you can sleep with, or do you know how to meet other guys for sex?

Is this something that you feel you could talk about with your partner? Sometimes people who love you are not so shocked by what they hear or discover and bisexuality is something that most people have experienced at sometime in their life. How open minded do you think your current partner is? How would she feel if you were to invite another bisexual couple round for some fun?

I know some guys who have very open relationships with their wives and they have bisexual parties where the guys have sex with each other as well as with their partners and this would be a perfect solution for you! However if you don't think you could talk about this to your partner then you are going to have to keep things far more discrete. You need to think this through very carefully.

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