SPEAKING OF STAYING SAFE

Now, let's be honest here; it's hard to hold your breath for a long, long time.

Problem is, despite the rosy propaganda of early HIV educators, rubbers simply don't feel as good to most guys as unprotected sex does. And they can be a bother to use. But they are, like seatbelts or motorcycle helmets, a necessity on the road of life. (Now, some of you out there are already infected, but it appears that reinfection is not only possible, but can hasten disease. So you should think about safer sex, too.)

The easiest way to stay safe, many men have found, is to make safer sex an automatic routine. "I no longer think about whether I should use a condom. I just do it," says one rubberized guy. That means always having rubbers at the ready when you hit the sack. It also means being practiced enough, if you're a top, to put on the stretchy little thing without a fumble. Or, if you're a bottom, to insist on protection no matter how hot he is, no matter how much you want his dick in your ass.

It also means not getting off your head, or if you do, not letting things spin out of hand. Even a few too many beers can lead a boy to dosomething he wouldn't do if he were sobre.

There are a bunch of factors that make it statistically more likely for a guy to get infected: being young, a member of an ethnic minority, or not hooked into a supportive queer community. Having drug problems is another, of course. And a recent British study showed that men who met their partners over the Internet (rather than at, in this case, a gym) were more likely to have unsafe sex and less likely to know their own HIV status. But none of those factors (not even all of them) makes being infected with HIV a foregone conclusion. Far from it.

"It's really pretty simple," says one HIV prevention educator. "Use a latex or polyurethane condom for anal sex, don't get cum in your mouth - especially if you have mouth sores or bad gums - and that'll keep your HIV risk, way, way down."

That is, of course, not the same as "no risk," and a bunch of other sexually transmitted diseases are easier to pass on than HIV, so even condomized sex can pose health risks. But other activities - from mutual jack-off to S&M - are much less likely to transmit nasties. So be creative, be careful, be kinky if you want, and don't assume that being sexual, or even being a slut, dooms you to a life of medication and hospital stays. Be a safe-sex slut, and live a long and happy life, OK?

Simon Sheppard

San Francisco artist and activist Simon Sheppard is best known for his contributions to the erotic literary scene. He wrote hundreds of stories that appeared in S/M magazines; erotic anthologies; and over twenty editions of Best Gay Erotica and Best American Erotica. His Sextalk column has appeared on OutUK for more than 20 years. You can find out more about Simon Sheppard in this OutUK feature and tribute, or take a look at some of his many books that are still available:

       

Looking for something very sexy and just as smart? Man on Man collects the best and hottest gay sex writing by Simon, who is also co-editor of Rough Stuff: Tales of Gay Men, Sex, and Power as well as a collection of gay erotica called Hotter Than Hell.

In KINKORAMA : Dispatches from the Front Lines of Perversion he takes readers behind the unmarked doors and black vinyl curtains that lead to the sometimes shocking, often hilarious, relentlessly arousing scenarios of extreme sex. There are also stories of bears in Tales from the Bear Cult: Beat Bear Stories from the Best Magazines.