This Week - Being Lonely at Christmas, Less Cum and Making movies

kamzy is alone: Hey James, I have a problem keeping guys. They always leave me after a few dates. I'm nice and funny. I have been single for more than 2 years now, what can I do? I am really not looking forward to Christmas on my own. Online guyz are just looking for sex. I have good friends but I feel lonely sometimes?

James says: Well it isn't easy meeting the right guy and the gay scene itself is equally not so easy in this respect. Sometimes gay guys are often into changing boyfriends very rapidly, so long term relationships can be difficult to find. As soon as something else comes along they are off with the idea that this one will be even more fun, until the new guy gets to become routine and so it goes on!

Yes, it is fun to meet new guys and there is always a buzz around the first few dates, and sex the first few times, but that does end after a while and everything including sex becomes less exciting than it was at the start.

I think you are right that most guys online are looking for sex but I don't think that is always the case. I know some guys who only go online looking for relationships and there are also many people who have met their partner online so don't dismiss this as a way of meeting someone for a relationship.

Most dating sites allow you to put the reason you are online so if you put that you are on the site to find a relationship then your objectives will be clear. Try typing 'gay dating' into google as there are many sites to choose from and they all have different ways of working.

There are also an awful lot of gay guys who aren't really looking for a serious relationship. Some guys don't have the time to put into a relationship due to work or other commitments. Others may have just come out of a relationship and are not ready to jump into another one and there are many gay guys who get into a relationship and then realise that they may be missing out on a lot of fun and sex by being tied down to one person.

You could try looking at the personals of the magazines as there are sections for people who are single and looking to find someone. You could also try a dating agency. Again try typing into google 'gay dating agency' to see what is around. You can also check the listings of local groups in your area in your local gay magazine.

So don't think it is just you, as there are a lot of guys out there who haven't found 'the one' quite yet, so keep looking and in the meanwhile enjoy the guys and the sex that come your way!

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Tom cums up with this: James, I am becoming more and more unhappy with the sex I have because my spunk volume has tailed off noticeably. Is this related to my age, I am 41? My partner has picked up on this, both from his point of view, sensations and the like, plus my obvious concern. Is there anything I can do or take? Going to my GP is not an option for something like this because he will most likely fob me off before I have even sat down. Waiting a few days between sessions doesn't increase the volume much.

James replies: Hi there, well there is evidence that with age we do produce less sperm but there are some things that MAY help!

It is advised to avoid refined foods such as sugar and white flour as well as processed foods and cutting back on caffeine eg. coffee and soft drinks. Also smoking is known to reduce sperm count, so stop smoking and avoid drinking large quantities of alcohol as well.

Try taking a multivitamin with minerals every day as your diet may be lacking in some of the nutrients required. Zinc is important to aid sperm production and this will be contained in any multivitamin and mineral tablet along with vitamin C, E and B12 which are also important in sperm production. Selenium and folate have also been highlighted as important for sperm production.

It has also been suggested that stress may interfere with the hormone GnRH and reduce sperm counts. It is also important to remember that psychological or relationship problems can contribute to a reduced sperm count so try not to worry about this too much, or that in itself could lead to a reduced sperm count.

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Brewer brews up this: Hi James. Starring in porn is something I would love to do. However, I have a good chance of a promising career ahead of me as a classical singer and musical theatre performer. These things could lead to being in the public eye or even gaining status as a celebrity. Do you recommend people go against starring in porn if there's a chance they could bacome famous for something else? I find it hard to believe that out of the many gay men in theatre, none of them have ever starred in porn but I may be mistaken. Do you get many celebs out there who have starred in porn in the past and haven't had their career effected by it or respectability lost in any way?

James answers: Hi, if you have the chance of becoming a celebrity then it would not be wise to star in a porn movie as it could be used in a negative way against you by someone in the future.

Of course it depends how you deal with your stardom. If you have a persona that is larger than life and you are openly gay then it may not be a problem. If you are less forthcoming about the truth and get found out it could be more of an issue. It is something to talk about with your publicity agent.

Famously, having been in porn may help your career if you are a woman wanting to get into Italian politics, and of course, there are many other people who have played on their porn past. However there are many more who have kept it quiet, so whether it turns out to be acceptable or not would really depend on who you are and what you are doing.

You may care to know, Simon Rex starred in 3 or 4 gay porn movies and then went on to a promising career as a MTV VJ, an actor in several American TV primetime series, and Scarey Movie films as well as National Lampoon's Pledge This! with Paris Hilton. He's now a much sought after actor and owns a nightclub - so it can work. But I would say he's the exception rather than the norm!

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