This Week - Straight boyz, Gay fun and Spicy threesomes wanted

Saathiya asks: Hi James! I have a friend and I'm in love with him and I wanna have fun with him but he is straight, but he is very close to me. I've exposed my feelings to him but he refused my advances, although he didn't mind me telling him. Now when I meet him I become erect instantly, and I really wanna have some fun with him, wanna suck his dick, I mean want to do everything with him, but he still refuses. Please tell me what should I do, and how I can convince him about having sex? I think I have become very possessive about him.

James says: Well you can never force someone to have sex with you. When you do, this becomes rape. You need to rationalise this situation and realise that this guy is straight and doesn't want to have sex with you.

You need to work out why you are so obsessed with him and how you are going to be able to rectify this. Is he a really good friend? If not, then maybe it is easier if you don't see him anymore? If he is, then you need to find someone else to direct your attention towards sexually, and this time make sure it is someone who is gay and who might be interested in having sex with you.

So you need to get away from this idea of convincing him to have sex with you and find people who really do want to have sex with you. Yes, there may be the idea in your mind that he is just playing hard to get or something but if he really is straight and has already said he is not interested then maybe you should take that as a polite 'no'.

It is a cliche, but there really are so many men out there, and nowadays so many gay men out there, so don't waste your time on this guy. Go and find someone who really will be interested in a relationship with you.

---

James asks a simple question: Is being gay fun? I know people get abuse about it, jokes at their expense. I've heard that gay sex is painful so why do it? People obviously discriminate against gay men, so is it best to stay straight? Do other gay men make friends with you, is it easy to find partners ... what's it all really like.

James replies: Hi James. To be honest it sounds from your question that at the moment you are leading a 'straight' lifestyle and haven't come out yet but you know that you are gay and you are experiencing the fears that all of us have before coming out, and that's what's scaring you?

It is different leading a life as a gay man, but it depends how you do it. Some people really do get involved in the gay scene very much when they come out, almost as a rebellion or as a relief, and they can lose some perspective of what real life is about as everything becomes 'gay'! Other people continue their lives exactly as they were before but they start having sex with men instead of women. It really does depend on your circumstances how you react to coming out. Your friends and family are also important and by having them accept your decision to tell people you are gay makes it an awful lot easier.

Yes, there's often some kind of discrimination against gay people, although it is getting to be so very common nowadays that almost everyone knows a gay person, and we are now so open about things gay on tv, that being gay really is becoming part of the norm. As people get more used to it then discrimination becomes less.

Being gay can be a lot of fun and more importantly it is fun because you are leading the life that is your destiny and not a false life with a deep secret that you are hiding from everyone and that you have to carry with you for the rest of your life. Sometimes people may make jokes about being gay but you can just laugh about them. Staying 'straight' is obviously an option but how happy could you be in life leading a lie?

You do make other gay friends and it is as easy, or indeed difficult, to find a partner if you are gay as if you are straight. There are many gay couples who have very strong relationships that are totally fulfilling and enduring, indeed I know some people who've been together 20 or 30 years.

As for gay sex it is not painful at all! Why on earth would people be having sex if it is painful? Pain is a sign from your body that something is not right and as with anything when you feel pain you stop as it is not going right. I assume you have heard somehow or other that being fucked is painful - to be honest the first time it may be just a bit little painful, but that is only because it is something new that you are not used to.

Some guys with inexperienced partners can find anal sex painful, though to be honest it really does depend on the guy you are with, as some guys are much better at sex than others. The key is to find someone who is really great in bed and then you will find you will be fucking away like crazy for hour upon hour and not feel any pain at all. Like everything practice makes perfect!

---

Marc says: James, I've been with my partner for 6 years now, and we are really close. I don't want to hurt his feelings but do fancy spicing up the sex a bit, and have always fancied a threesome. Don't care if it's a friend or just someone we pick up. I just feel I want a bit of variety. How do I tell him, without hurting his feelings?

James answers: Hi Marc, it is perfectly normal for sex with your partner to not be as exciting after a few years as when you first met and it is precisely for this reason that a lot of couples have an open relationship which can work in different ways.

It can be that you agree just to have sex with other guys as a threesome or you may also agree to have sex with other guys even if you are not with your partner, but for this you may want to set some rules - such as you are not allowed to sleep over with him, or you are only allowed to see the same guy once, etc. You will need to work out these rules so that they suit your relationship. One of them most definately must be that you always have totally safe sex with the other person.

If you have been with your partner for 6 years then you will know how to talk to him about this without hurting him, and to be honest you may find that if he is able to be honest about it as well, he might be feeling the same as you. So sit down and talk when you are alone, and likely to be so for some time, and tell him how much you are in love, and how much you want to be with him long term, even if you do fancy someone else short term. Explain to him the difference between love and sex.

Another alternative is to spice up the sex life between you both by using different situations. Try having sex in different places, using different toys, try role play, try watching movies together, try filming the sex you have together, etc. Getting another good looking guy to film you and your boyfriend might just be the way in to achieving both, you never know. There are loads of things you can do so try a few out and maybe that will help make it more exciting between you and your partner and rekindle that flame!

---