SPEAKING OF TABOOS

"My mum was deeply religious, very sex-negative," says a gay boy in his 20s. "To this day, I have such hang-ups over sex that I usually have to get stoned or wired to let myself enjoy it."

Of course, one of the easiest ways to make something more attractive is to forbid it - just ask Adam and Eve. And all those homophobes railing against the temptation of queer sex inadvertently testify to its allure.

The less vanilla among us get hard-ons at the thought of transgressive sex, naughtiness that breaks a taboo or two. That's not to say that anything goes; it doesn't and it shouldn't. But there's a big difference between barebacking at a gang-bang and getting spanked while dressed as Dusty Springfield.

Taboo-breaking is easiest if you can find a trustworthy partner in carnal crime, and a setting where you won't get in trouble. As much fun as it might be to fuck in your boss's office, you really should make sure the door is locked first.

Role-playing scenes often trade in taboos, allowing us the tang of the forbidden without the downside. There are good reasons why incest is forbidden - not only the inbreeding thing, but the unequal power structures of the family unit. But pretending a scene like that may be nasty, but to some of us, it sure is hot.

If you're taking someone somewhere deep, communication - before, during, and after - is not only considerate, but can forestall post-scene problems. Even the most carefully planned scenes, though, can have heavy-duty dimensions. "I did a really brutal father/son spanking scene with a guy who'd told me his actual father had been physically abusive," recalls an SM top. "He'd suggested it, and it was fully pre-negotiated. But frankly, the intensity of the actual scene made me feel a bit morally queasy, like I shouldn't have been playing with such volatile emotions."

Since plain old cocksucking is forbidden in some quarters, most gay guys are taboo-breakers from the start. But some fellas don't stray from vanilla, while others are the "I'll try anything once" sort for whom sexual adventure is a way of life. Some of us get kinkier as we mature. Others are wild kids who grow chastened in middle age. But whatever transgressive shit you do - from water sports to whipping - sobre reflection and sane guidelines will help keep you safe, both physically and psychologically.

Done wisely and well, breaking a taboo or two can be refreshing fun. It can even deepen the bond between partners. So when you come across a "thou shalt not," you might well ask "Why not?" Just don't forget to look both ways before crossing to the taboo side.

Simon Sheppard

Now here's your chance to meet the man behind this column. OutUK has an interview with Simon Sheppard or you can take a look at some of his books that are currently available:

       

Looking for something very sexy and just as smart? Man on Man collects the best and hottest gay sex writing by Simon, who is also co-editor of Rough Stuff: Tales of Gay Men, Sex, and Power as well as a collection of gay erotica called Hotter Than Hell.

In KINKORAMA : Dispatches from the Front Lines of Perversion he takes readers behind the unmarked doors and black vinyl curtains that lead to the sometimes shocking, often hilarious, relentlessly arousing scenarios of extreme sex. There are also stories of bears in Tales from the Bear Cult: Beat Bear Stories from the Best Magazines.